Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited | Sam Vaknin

Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited | Sam Vaknin | After 25 years I reclaimed my life because of this book..

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Malignant Self Lov...

	Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited Sam Vaknin Narcissus Publications,Czech Republic, 2001 - 600 pages average customer review:based on 60 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

When the personality is rigid to the point of being unable to change in reaction to changing circumstances - we say that it is disordered. Such a person takes behavioral, emotional, and cognitive cues exclusively from others. His inner world is, so to speak, vacated. His True Self is dilapidated and dysfunctional. Instead he has a tyrannical and delusional False Self. Such a person is incapable of loving and of living. He cannot love others because he cannot love himself. He loves his reflection, his surrogate self. And he is incapable of living because life is a struggle towards, a striving, a drive at something. In other words: life is change. He who cannot change cannot live.

The narcissist is an actor in a monodrama, yet forced to remain behind the scenes. The scenes take center stage, instead. The Narcissist does not cater at all to his own needs. Contrary to his reputation, the Narcissist does not "love" himself in any true sense of the word.

He feeds off other people, who hurl back at him an image that he projects to them. This is their sole function in his world: to reflect, to admire, to applaud, to detest - in a word, to assure him that he exists. Otherwise, the narcissist feels, they have no right to tax his time, energy, or emotions.

The main body of research about Narcissism is surveyed in the book.

Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Re-Visited offers a detailed, first hand account of what it is like to have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It contains new insights and an organized methodological framework. The first part of the book comprises more than 100 Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) regarding relationships with abusive narcissists and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

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Get Out While You Can.

I have used Vaknins website and book to give me some ideas, and hope, for the situation I am in. I am setting firm boundaries and consequences. I hope through the book I can learn to get more of my life back. All I can say to others is, "If you can get out, run as fast as you can, cause if you don't get out they will destroy you". I know a couple other women in town who have been in long term marriages to guys like this. One seems to have survived quite well, but she is 'very shut down - emotionless'. The other became a total recluse, and is dying of cancer. I also knew one other, but she died in her 40's from cancer. She was glad to die. Her spirit died long before her. I don't want that for myself. I want to let go of the feelings that my abuser has (poisoned) me with, and I want to, once again, find joy in however long I have left to live.

I researched a lot of books on Narcissism before I chose Vatkins. Compared to Vatkins all the others seemed like "just skimming the surface". There is no two ways about it; his is an excellant book.

One thing to keep in mind when reading this book, or his website; is that Vatkin is a narcissist, and I felt his gloating was evil when he remarked about women coming to him for help, even knowing what he is. There are some things he says that makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Also, when reading the book, sometimes I questioned what he had to say because as a narcissist he seems to direct his advice, of course, from a narcissistic viewpoint, so his advice seems to favor the narcissist at times. Also, the advice he gives sometimes in one part of the book is very different in another part of the book - almost opposite. So, though he has a lot of good to say, weigh his advice before applying it to your own life.

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After 25 years I reclaimed my life because of this book..

This book is the equivelent to earning a doctorate in Narcissim.
Vakin is brilliant, and the book is written in such a way, you learn the concepts, I mean really know them. Very few people can teach, Vakin is in that select minority. He just states the facts, and mindset of the Narcissis in every conceavable presentation. By the middle of the book, you get the answer N's live to make you hurt, and miserable, they think it's funny when you are in pain. Noone could read this book without a life changing epiphany. Thankfully by the end you know your N has pulled your dress over your head, in private and public, he is sadistically gleeful and you can no longer live in the illussion that a relationship could work. Bravo

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I love myself.

alot. i'll never love anyone else more.

and i consider my little world to be my garden. if i've pulled you up like a weed, thrown you in the discards and you can't get your mind around the fact that you're a weed, and devastated that you couldn't play me like you play everyone else then this book will give you the rationalization that you require.

i highly recommend it.

Liberating Info RE: the mind of the narcissist from a victim

This book has been liberating by helping me explore the mind of a narcissist. The confusion and whirlwind my life had become within my relationship with this man overwhelmed my entire life. Reading this book has helped me immensely to correlate his actions and behaviors to this mental problem. I have tried everything and realize the hard wiring is not going to be changed in him, I need to change me and stop trying to change others. I am sadden by the truth however liberated to have such a better understanding of what I have just experienced.

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Not Confused But Abused

This book helped me understand a number of incidents in my life in which I'd been mistreated by others and led to believe the problem was with me. It was affirming simply to know that I wasn't confused, but abused. It sounds like sour grapes, but I even found myself grateful for the ones who got away, who I suspect didn't find a wiseass like me to be codependent material.

The one criticism I'd have of the book is that in my experience narcissism may be more common among women than the author suggests. I've known a number of women who've been diagnosed as depressed or obsessive-compulsive who exhibited "queen bee" personalities around other women. Because narcissistic traits are less culturally acceptable in women, I suspect female narcissists are better at concealing them.

Having experienced abusive behavior in my dealings with a few fundamentalist Christians, I especially appreciate the author's coverage of narcissism in the context of religion. Not only can religious leaders be narcissists, but I think there's a codependency that seems prevalent in members of abusive churches. It really is contagious.

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

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