Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children

Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children | Thomas Gordon | P.E.T. essential for everyone

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Parent Effectivene...

	Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children Thomas Gordon Three Rivers Press, 2000 - 384 pages average customer review:based on 31 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

P.E.T., or Parent Effectiveness Training, began almost forty years ago as the first national parent-training program to teach parents how to communicate more effectively with kids and offer step-by-step advice to resolving family conflicts so everybody wins. This beloved classic is the most studied, highly praised, and proven parenting program in the world -- and it will work for you. Now revised for the first time since its initial publication, this groundbreaking guide will show you:
How to avoid being a permissive parent
How to listen so kids will talk to you and talk so kids will listen to you
How to teach your children to "own" their problems and to solve them
How to use the "No-Lose" method to resolve conflicts

Using the timeless methods of P.E.T. will have immediate results: less fighting, fewer tantrums and lies, no need for punishment. Whether you have a toddler striking out for independence or a teenager who has already started rebelling, you'll find P.E.T. a compassionate, effective way to instill responsibility and create a nurturing family environment in which your child will thrive.

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Incredible, life altering book!

This is a fantastic book.

Especially good for those who are struggling with living up to our own ideals. Because I don't believe in being overly restrictive, and I do not spank, I struggle with my fear of being too permissive...and occasionally I AM too permissive...anyway, we often reach a boiling point where my kids literally drive me crazy and I say things or handle a situation in a way I definitely regret later. Basically I overreact.

This book is a lifesaver, with clearly defined terms, and ways of thinking about conflict that you can implement TODAY. Your family life will be forever changed...and as a matter of fact, by studying these principles you will quickly see improvements in other areas, too.

One section, beginning on page 143 did more to help me with my anger than all the other books I ever read put together! I highly recommend this book, for its psychological soundness and the depth of change it will make in all your intimate relationships.

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P.E.T. essential for everyone

this book should be read by everyone and is definately useful not only for the parent - child - relationship but for all relationships.

P.E.T. What parenting requires

This book is an excellent way to break through the strife that comes along with parenting. Gentle, logical and easy to read. It can have a profound influence on your relationships, family or otherwise, in less than the time takes to read the entire book.

You will enjoy being a parent again and be forever transformed. You and your children will love, respect and admire each other even more than you could ever have imagined.

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Great if you have older kids

I've read this book twice in the past year and it has not been an easy read or an easy learning experience. Most of what the author says make sense if you have an older child, maybe 6-8 year old. The book very briefly touches on how to communicate with an infant, but nothing for how to deal with a toddler or preschooler, which for me is the real challenge. How do you negotiate with someone who doesn't have enough vocabulary to communicate their needs/wants or even put a label on their own feelings? At what point you stop negotiating and start using Method I(ordering?). How do you resolve a conflict with someone who has attention span of 2-3 minutes and is off chasing a butterfly? I can see trying to use the techniques later on, but for parents of younger children "Kids are worth it" is a better read.

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A Terrific Place to Start

I have studied and written about developmental psychology for 20 years. Gordon is not quite where I started, but pretty close. I do not agree with everything he asserts, but only because he reflects the era in which he wrote, and what research had proven and disproven through the 1970s. We know a great deal more today about interpersonal communication, how children and adolescents perceive, appraise and either unconsciously react or consciously respond to the environment, as well as the physical character, function and maturation of the brain.

To touch on some of the newer developments: Albert Bandura's work on "efficacy" or the sense of personal competence parents can easily help a child to develop. Alan Schore's work on brain-mapping and function showing how the developmental theories predating Gordon's work are reflected in how the child's brain actually operates. The "re-parenting" movement spawned in the field of alcoholism and drug abuse rehabilitation with its powerful, and very direct, implications for appropriate, functional parenting.

I'm hoping that we'll see a single book in the millennial era that pulls things together as effectively as this one did in its day. Bruce Perry's -The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog- is not that book, but the content there is powerful and highly useful for those with "difficult" children. Alice Miller's -For Your Own Good- is not that book, but what it reveals about the notions of child-rearing that continue to predominate to this day is deeply disturbing.

Pia Mellody's -Facing Codependence- is not that book, but her understanding of the child's mind and how we either shape or mis-shape it is some of the best data available. The recently published -Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families- (not to be confused with Janet Woititz's excellent book of similar title) may be the best lay-oriented piece now available for understanding what when wrong and how to fix it... or just do it right to begin with.

For those who really want to "go deep," I recommend Carl Rogers, Erik Erikson, Daniel Stern, John Bowlby, Diana Baumrind, Margaret Mahler, Jean Piaget, Pierre Janet and Alan Sroufe. These are the big names in child development at the professional level.

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reviews: page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

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