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	You Can Lead a Politician to Water, But You Can't Make Him Think: Ten Commandments for Texas Politics Kinky Friedman Simon & Schuster, 2007 - 144 pages average customer review:based on 3 reviews view larger image
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So the good people of Texas weren't able to get the Kinkster into the Governor's Mansion in 2006. It was a solid race, and he fought the good fight. Getting on the ballot as an independent -- a feat that had not been achieved in over a century -- was a victory in itself. And with ideas like "slots for tots" (legalized gambling to pay for education), the five Mexican generals plan (bribes to enforce border protection), and a firm stand against the "wussification" of the state, he would have done a helluva job.

If that 2006 election was any indication -- and it was -- the political landscape in both Texas and the country at large needs a significant overhaul. The hucksters, the wealthy, and the twofaced rule; there is no room for Truth, and the little guys are quickly forgotten in all the muck. But Kinky, (briefly) down yet certainly not out, is still looking out for his fellow Americans, and he has much wisdom to impart.

In this hilarious, thought-provoking manifesto, Kinky lays forth his ten commandments for improving the state of Texas and politics everywhere, and for restoring order, logic, decency, and above all a sense of humor back to this country. It's classic Kinky in a brand new way. And he might just have a point.

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The Real Texas

I live in Texas and I am very proud to say that I was one of the 12 % of us here in the Lone Star State who voted for Kinky for governor. Kinky is a true Texan, as this book shows. He loves the state of Texas. His comment that politicians are "by nature shallow and superficial" is very true. In contrast, true Texans have an independent spirit, and that is what makes Texas great. A sense of humor is also what makes Texas great, and Kinky has that, of course, too. How is it that Texas is one of the richest states, and yet, has one of the worst education systems of any state ? (6 % below the other states in pay) ? How is it that we have a dysfunctional death penalty system that makes this state a mockery around not just the U.S., but the world ? We have more people in prison in Texas than there are people in Alaska, as the "Kinkster" points out. How did it come to this ? We allow politicians to jerrymander districts to allow the perpetual re-election of their party ? Is this democracy ? We make casino gambling illegal, even though the typical Texan likes to gamble (they do it in Louisiana). We are a state run by a governor who has almost no power, and a legislature run by lobbies and big money. Kinky's book is full of funny anecdotes about him with Willie Nelson. I remember Kinky at the St. Patrick's Day parade here in Dallas. He was handed a Guiness in the back of a car, and took a couple of sips. One would think the world had ended. Kinky points out how two groups are ruining Texas: the politically correct Left, and the Religious Right. One main theme of the book is, musicians and other Texans are real people, with warmth, humor, and independence. Politicians in Texas are the opposite: superficial and fake. Who can argue with that ?

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In the true Kinky way, this book is laugh-out-loud funny

It is the American myth that any boy, now girl, can grow up to become President of the United States. It would stand to reason that the same rule applies to Texas. So why couldn't a politically incorrect Jewish country music singer and fiction author toss what he calls his "ten gallon yarmulke" into the ring and become governor of Texas?

"Why the hell not?" became the slogan of Kinky Friedman as he waged his way, way uphill, independent run for the Texas governorship in 2006. YOU CAN LEAD A POLITICIAN TO WATER, BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM THINK is Kinky's chronicle of that campaign. And in the true Kinky way, it is laugh-out-loud funny.

Politics makes strange bedfellows and all that, but 2006 was a strange year even by American standards. Nationwide, the Democratic Party swept into control of Congress on a pledge to end the war. We see how well that worked out. And Kinky sensed the winds of change blowing in the Texas Hill country. Perhaps he could unseat Rick Perry, George W. Bush's successor, in the governor's mansion.

His model was Minnesota, which several years back elected as governor a former wrestler, and California, which elected a former body builder turned actor governor in 2003. Both well-built men waged insurgent campaigns against entrenched professional politicians. Although, as Kinky points out, Jesse Ventura "didn't realize that wrestling is real and politics is fixed."

An independent candidate had not even gotten on the ballot in Texas in 154 years. But this did not deter the Kinkster.

After all, Friedman writes, Texas "has a tradition of singing governors. I thought back to Pappy O'Daniel's successful race for that esteemed office in the 1940's. He had a band called the Light Crust Doughboys. I had a band called the Texas Jewboys. His slogan was `Pass the biscuits, Pappy.' One of my most popular songs is `Get Your Biscuits in the Oven (And Your Buns in the Bed).' The parallels are uncanny."

Indeed. But, still, the odds against Kinky were steep. Then something interesting happened. Friedman went around the state declaring that he was a "dealer of hope" and fighter for the "Alamo of the Mind."

He launched a populist campaign and railed against the corruption of the two-party system. And people started paying attention. The 62-year-old king of the one-liners --- "too young for Medicare and too old for women to care" --- was delivering a dead serious message about America in 2006.

"Because now, as politics as usual rolls across America like a noxious vapor," Kinky writes, "I'm no longer sure it matters whether the Democrats or Republicans run the country. It's just a different swarm of locust moving into Washington. In the words of the Reverend Goat Carson, `The Republicans and the Democrats have become the same guy admiring himself in the mirror.'"

He decried a system where Texas was 46th in the nation in kids going to college, second in people going to bed hungry, first in executions and now imported energy. Yet the section of the state legislature reserved for lobbyists is called by some "the owner's box."

His message resonated with the larger truth. As Bill Moyers pointed out a few years ago, there are now 34,785 registered lobbyists in Washington, D.C. spending $200 million a month to influence legislation. In the U.S. Congress there are 65 lobbyists for every member of Congress. Talk about the owner's box!

Kinky was able to put together a campaign where everybody on his staff "seemed to be either a hairdresser or bass player." They were able to raise $5 million, enough to get him on the ballot --- a feat that took the notarized signatures of 170,258 people --- but not enough to buy crucial TV ads for the general campaign.

And although he received half a million votes, that was not enough to win the election. Indeed, only 28% of the populace voted, down 1% from the previous statewide election. For insurgents to have any chance of winning, turnout has to be huge. Ventura's race had a turnout of 62%.

YOU CAN LEAD A POLITICIAN TO WATER, BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM THINK reminded me of the work of the late, great gonzo journalist, Hunter S. Thompson. Like Thompson, Kinky uses sometimes outrageous humor to convey the scary, deeper truth. For example, the politically incorrect Kinkster was bound to have trouble with the media for many things, such as his habit of consuming 8-10 Cuban cigars a day. So he took to not lighting them.

Kinky recalls, "This of course caused people to constantly come up to me and ask, `Do you ever smoke that thing?' or `Is that thing lit?' To the latter question I would often respond, `Which thing are you referring to?' which was, of course, a veiled reference to my penis. This response, I suspect, may have cost me some votes in the suburbs."

His deeper message comes through a few pages later when he writes, "The media are essentially lazy and it is much easier to resort to `Got ya!' journalism than it is to speak up for the truth."

Amen!

Another author with a wonderful wit also waged a failed independent campaign for governor in 2006. Malachy McCourt ran for governor of New York on the Green Party ticket. Their accents might be different, but the message was basically the same: something has gone terribly wrong with the American Dream when politics is so far removed from the people that the people can vote for one thing and the politicians give them something else.

Kinky Friedman is sending America a warning in this book. Message delivered, he can now fire up that cigar.

--- Reviewed by Tom Callahan

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Good, but not up to speed for the Kinkster

The book is good--very funny--bit it's all stuff that was already published in Texas Monthly. If I had read "Friedman's just another word for nothing left to lose" for the first time, I'd be laughing for months. If you're a real fan of his, don't bother. Otherwise, I'd recommend it.

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