The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated,...

The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible ... | Ross W. Greene | Enlighting

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The Explosive Chil...

	The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible ... Ross W. Greene Harper Paperbacks, 2005 - 320 pages average customer review:based on 155 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Finesse Your Egg

"1-2-3 Magic" and other behavioral plans are great when they work. Behavioral Management plans are very logical and very effective in children with the capacity to internalize them (and parents with the unity, self-awareness, and discipline to enforce them). But not all kids are the same, and therefore not every behavioral plan is best for every fit.

Greene's "The Explosive Child" starts off with some very helpful attitude reframing for parents who deal with the more extreme end of behavioral problems. The key, per Greene, is for parents to remember that their children want to be good. The issue rarely is teaching your child "who's the boss." Even with kids with most mellow temperaments, being a parent is a very demanding job. When kids are having meltdowns, it is very easy to fall into the trap of thinking "he knows how to push my buttons." Or "she's so manipulative," or "coercive," or "oppositional." But these labels (which, sadly, clinicians use all to frequently as well) only shame children, demoralize parents, and intensify the battle. A much more helpful way to approach the situation is to realize that flexibility and frustration tolerance are skills. They are skills like any other, like language skills or math skills. Different kids have different relative strengths and deficits. The important task for parents is to recognize your child's strengths and weaknesses, then teaching skills where possible and accommodating the deficits where necessary.

There is a nice section with instructions on prioritizing the demands placed on a child. In other words, pick your battles. Not everything is worth the stress of offspring meltdowns and the concomitant exhaustion of parental ammunition.

Another strength of the book is the focus away from reacting to meltdowns and instead focusing on preventing them in the first place. The basic idea is that, once in tantrum mode, with everyone's adrenalin pumping full blast, it's hard for anyone in the room to even be coherent let alone have the state of mind to absorb the logic of behavior plans. It's no different than that point that arguing couples get into when they are just trying to say anything they can think of to hurt each other. That's not the time to expect couples to reconcile and gain new insights into their dynamics. You have to talk about it later and try to avoid the heated argument next time.

Greene's book is written in a way that I think most parents will find pretty accessible. There are plenty of vignettes to illustrate the points. While the book is geared to the most extreme behavioral problems, there is plenty here that translates into universal parenting wisdom as well. And check out some of the other reviews. Testimonials of parents who have found this book helpful say more than my words can. Thumbs up. Buy this book. Thank you for listening, nighty-night.

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Enlighting

Very easy reading material that has help me understand my daughter's behavior, what triggers her frustrutions, and what can I do to help her. Our home's environment is not as aggressive any more.

Learned ALOT

Learned alot from this book on how to deal with my little boy!

Mohab Hanna, M.D. Child & Adolescent Psychiatrist- author of Making the Connection: A Parent's Guide to Medication in ADHD

The explosive Child is a book that I recommend frequently to my patients. Many of the parents that I work with have found it very helpful. This book helps parents to understand the underlying problems that are leading to the exlosive behavior.

Ideas would benefit any parent

Introduces the concept that children do well if they can and gives good advice on how to structure interaction with any child.

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