After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful |...

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful | Janis Abrahms Spring, Michael Spring | Wished I bought this sooner!

books:

After the Affair: ...

	After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful Janis Abrahms Spring, Michael Spring Harper Paperbacks, 1997 - 304 pages average customer review:based on 81 reviews view larger image
	for more information click here

highly recommended

Three Years Later

If you suspect your spouse is having an affair, or if you know for sure an affair is occuring--YOU NEED THIS BOOK!!! If your suffering and think your losing your mind; or, if your on a road traveling from one extreme emotion to another---YOU NEED THIS BOOK When your suffering on such a magnificent scale, you need serious help. This book will provide you with that help. It will give you all the background knowledge you need--for both partners. She gives advice and information to the cheating spouse AND the faithful spouse. With her help, I was able to see that it wasn't ALL my fault, nor was it ALL his fault. She explains what the typical reactions of both parties are, and how to respond to those reactions. I found myself running back to read, and reread, sections that were pertinent to my situation, over and over again. My husband would say, or do something so typical of people involved in affairs, and I'd have already read about it. I can't even explain to you how much that helped me. I guess knowing what to expect kept ME from responding in unhealthy ways, at least most of the time. I won't say that it was easy to read some of the things she said, especially the section about revealing an affair to your partner, but it was enlightening and non-biased, nonetheless.

Today, three years later, we are still married. Our marriage is a LONG way from being healed, but it is also a long way from the unhealthy realationship that it was.

Whenever I think back on those painful, raw nerve, early days of our recovery, I am forever grateful to Dr. Abrahms for writing this book.

for more information click here

Wished I bought this sooner!

I wish I had ordered this book when I first looked at it. I think if my husband had read even the first page, he would have had a better understanding, much sooner, of the pain he was causing. I also wish I had ordered two, one for me and one for him, so we could read it simultaneously and get down to discussing issues sooner. I strongly recommend it if you only suspect your partner of being unfaithful. It holds many valuable tools. I took away one star because the author assumes that couples have not communicated their needs to one another and does not address what to do if you have made your needs clear in the past and your partner has always just chosen to simply ignore them.

for more information click here

Good to read immediately after discovery

If you have recently discovered your spouse's affair, or if you suspect your spouse is having an affair, this is a good book to read. It does not attack either party's position, but explains the emotions both the betrayed spouse and the wayward spouse are going through. When I discovered my husband's affair, I did not know anyone who had gone through this and survived, so I felt very alone. After reading the book, I was relieved to find that my thoughts and feelings were very normal. Unfortunately, so was his behavior! That was the hardest part to take, but it was very necessary for me to understand his side as well.

What I did not like about this book was that it left things open-ended for me. It didn't really seem to get past the "Do I stay or do I go?" stage. Obviously, if I left it would mean starting over. There was a brief section about rebuilding trust, but it really didn't give me enough information about moving on WITH my husband.

This book is really for "beginners" in life after an affair. I would follow it up with "Surviving an Affair" by Drs. Harley and Chalmers. If you are already past the discovery stage, I would skip "After the Affair" altogether. I don't think you would find anything you don't already know.

for more information click here

Classroom Tactics

The book is ok. It gives the psychological point of view that everything you do as an adult is a reflection of your childhood. The author offers suggestions on how to reflect back into your past to determine what made you/your mate have an affair. She also states that both partner's took a part in causing the affair to happen. That is a great philosophy, however, it is difficult to prove or disect. When I asked my partner why he had an affair, he simply stated "our relationship was perfect, he was just being greedy and stupid"!!! It doesn't take [$$$} to figure out why some people cheat. Some people or simply greedy, stupid or a combination of both. I personally did not find this book very useful and I am returning it today. I think the author is using classroom tactics that don't apply to everyday human life or is too complex for the average person to understand. If you believe everything people do is because of their upbringing then buy the book. If you believe life is a little more complicated than that and you want to save your relationship I recommend counseling and prayer. This book alone is not enough.

for more information click here

reviews: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, page 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17

products you might be interested in

recommendations

Surviving, repairing and recovering after infidelity
Infidelity Recovery, The Best Books
Recommended Reading for Couples
How Do I Fix My Relationship
Surviving an Affair