Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex |...

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex | John Gray | Eye Opening

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Men Are from Mars,...

	Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex John Gray Harper Paperbacks, 2004 - 368 pages average customer review:based on 394 reviews view larger image
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The aliens have landed

This book is an invaluable resource for improving relationships. I have never read another book that has managed to hit the nail so sqarely on the head when describing the "why's and when's" behind "alien" behavior. I cannot believe how many times I have taken a man's behavior personally, judging his actions from the standpoint of why I, myself, would act in such a way, rather than understanding these things make perfect sense to him, and that some of my behavior is just as puzzling to him. This book teaches you how to overcome this type of miscommunication.

This book will decode for you mysterious behaviors such as "Mr. Fix It," the phenomenon of "the cave," lack of/initiating motivation, and "strange" translations of what you may believe to be be plainly obvious statements. For the guys, the decoding includes how to initiate the release of (female) resentment, reasons for talking, the miscommunication of what may sound like blame, and the phenomenon of the "well." For everyone, there is great information about differing emotional needs, respectful communication, asking for/receiving support, and avoiding arguments. I thought John Gray's analogies were right on the money.

With this blueprint for communication, you cannot help but bring more ease into the relationship you have with your favorite alien. This is the original foreign language dictionary for relationships, and it is still the best.

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Eye Opening

I was very surprised to find the differences between opposite sexes. I learned a lot and have been able to communicate much better now. Very glad I purchased this book!

Men go into Caves, leave them there!!!

Very good read could save time and money in avoiding counselling. Clearly indentifies the sign posts in situations and advises best course of action, even if that is not to say a word particularly when man is thinking in his cave!!! Also great for identifying how ones own behaviour can be causing confict, to recoginise this and adjust.

the most redundant book I have ever read

This book makes presents several valuable points:

--Men believe in the adage that "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."
A woman, on the other hand, might say that "if it ain't broke, upgrade it."
Consequently, when a woman offers advice or criticism to a man, the man could misunderstand that she considers him inadequate.

--Men like to be considered competent, whereas women like to be cherished.
This difference could result in an misunderstanding.
When a woman asks questions such as "Do you have enough cash?" or "Did you remember your umbrella?" she is treating others as she would like to be treated, but not as a man might like to be treated.

--When men share their problems, they want solutions.
When women share their problems, they want empathy.
This difference results in situations in which a woman shares her problems, the man offers solutions, and the woman becomes angry because the man "is just not listening!"
The difference could also result in a man feeling blamed for a problem whereas in fact he is not.

--A man often wants solitude when he is thinking about a problem.
A woman should be careful not to bother a man with questions at such a time.

--A woman could have mood swings for no discernible reason.
A man should respect those mood swings and not take them personally.

--When a man wants help, he asks. When a woman wants help, she doesn't.
A woman could make a mistake by offering help when a man doesn't ask.
On the other hand, a man could make a mistake by not sensing when a woman wants help.

--Women count all gifts and favors equally, regardless of size or amount.
Many small gifts and favors are better than one large, expensive gift or favor.

--If a woman asks a man for a favor and the man hesitates, she should allow a few seconds for the hesitation rather than hastily interpreting that hesitation as a refusal.

However, this is not enough information to warrant three hundred pages.

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Dealing with the other sexes' stress and stressors

Apart from the fact that John Gray has been married twice and divorced his first wife (a self help book writer) "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is mandatory reading for all homo sapiens in that it presents a good case for why people need to understand the opposite sex properly so that we can live together. The reason for this need is quite simple... men are not women, women are not men and our parents grew up in a totally different world to our one.

It is never surprising how many people do not get that men are men and women are women and they have differences as well as similar values. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is mainly about the dissimilarities which are evident during stress and how to deal with them (note to men... not "solve" them for the other person, but "deal" with them). One of the key problems with relationships is how stress manifests with men and women and how it is dealt with by the opposite sex. If it is men dealing with men or women dealing with women you want to read about, then don't. Go socialize instead. You know the score already. When dealing with the opposite sex... this appears to be a totally new realm worth explaining... and John Gray does.

Role reversal can occur, and does. So if a man finds himself in the women category or a woman in the man category, then this is ok and happens with a certain segment of the population. All people can experience one or the other responses to stressors regardless of sex but generally not.

A man under stress will "cave" himself where he will shut down, not pay attention to anything and sit alone concentrating. During this period the women should leave him alone but she takes this as a sign of rejection and so pushes the man more. When these stressors increase the situation becomes a lot worse. If she keeps pushing him he will crack and things will ultimately go very bad. Bottom line here for women... leave your men think to themselves in peace. Think of them as rubber bands... they will come back.

A woman under stress will "talk" about problems. They do not shut down. They want to talk openly about the problem and need responses from somebody... however these responses are not supposed to be logical or ration "solutions" like a man who does everything Mr. Fix-it style. He is not supposed to formulate a plan, like he does. He is just supposed to listen and be concerned with the problem, not actively trying to solve it. The woman isn't really looking for a solution. She is looking to talk generally and wants to be loved. If he tries to solve it she will be upset.

These two types of situations are what "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" is all about. It is a fairly dull slog to get through all 300 pages about these two above points but the lesson is critical. Men and women will do better (and score better!) if they understand these points made about the opposite sex. It will instantly improve your sex appeal. Women who know how to deal with men and men who know how to deal with women tend to go a long way further. You can see how essential something like this book truly is. Some people go through their whole lives and never get this stuff.

On the negative I did not like the fact that this book omits that women menstruate and avoids this at all costs. This is a major failing. Instead the book deals with all stressors on equal par. These types of biochemical conditions are not the same as casual stressors. Instead Gray deals with this situation like it is just any other stressor. While the idea is the same (be loving, caring and listening) certain biochemical conditions just cannot be helped until they pass. If men think this is just another casual stressor type situation like this book seems to put forward then they are wrong. Men, don't be worried to recognize a period for what it is and know your limits. There are also things like depression and other disorders which may appear as casual stress. People can also have a mid life crises which is a totally different type of stress. Probably the biggest failing is that people all react differently to different things. This cannot be understated. This book does polarize and does box things away too neatly at times. Things aren't always this black and white.

With all this said and done you are much better to have read through this than to not have read it at all. That goes across the board for everyone. Relationships will improve (and your pulling factor) by 100% with some simple application. John Gray just noticed something important and wrote something even more important about it with solutions. Try them... they work.

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