The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost...

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship ... | John M. Gottman, Nan Silver | A Fantastic Book...

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The Seven Principl...

	The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship ... John M. Gottman, Nan Silver Three Rivers Press, 1999 - 288 pages average customer review:based on 143 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

A must for couples considering marriage/long-term partnership

My fiancee and I decided to be proactive and visit a psychologist before we had any relationship issues and before we got married. He recommended Gottman to us, and what a fabulous recommendation it was! Reading "Seven Principles" really illustrated with lucidity what it was about my parents' marriage that has always bothered me (contempt from my mother in their arguments) and gave clear steps on how to avoid this and other relationship killers. It was very reaffirming in that it doesn't tell couples not to fight (because how realistic is that?), but teaches them how to fight and how to agree to disagree. My fiancee is in the process of reading it now, and I'm excited for him to finish so we can talk it over. The last principle, in particular, is really great for people who already have solid relationships...it made me excited to get married!

A really excellent book overall, Gottman's writing style is clear and concise!

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A Fantastic Book...

For the last year I have been traveling to Seattle to train for certification with Jon and Julie Gottman and their staff at The Gottman Institute, and this book is a great introduction to their work and the invaluable research they have done with couples for more than thirty years now. I wish this book and their work were required reading for life. I wish I had known of their work earlier in my life both personally and professionally. This is a book to come back to time and time again. To me it is not only useful for married couples but has such wise tools to learn about for all our relationships. I've read most of his other books and highly recommend them as well, including those on children. If you like the book they also have amazing workshops in Seattle for couples. My parents just went to one for their 45th wedding anniversary and said they still learned a great deal from them!

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A must have in protecting one's marriage!

This book is absolutely essential in the treatment of marriage or couple counseling, as well as can be used by anyone interested in strengthening their own marriage/relationships. It is helpful because it is basic, layed out in a very simplistic manner, and is an easy reader. The book offers concrete instructions for couples on how to improve their closeness, connection, and communication. It is also based on scientific studies thereby offering value and effectiveness of the techniques illustrated in the book. I would highly recommend it for struggling couples, those considering divorce, as well as couples with a good relationship seeking a closer bond.

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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Gu

This is a great book! I have read many relationship books and this is clearly the best. It is so easy to read and offers a lot of practical guidance. There are step by step exercises for you and your partner to work on together. Rebuilding and re-aquainting with each other. I found it to be hopeful and reassuring. It has helped me immensely in my relationship. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who is looking for help in your relationship.

Your marriage doesn't have to be rocky to get value from this book.

This is NOT a self help book. I can tell you that honestly because I don't read self help books. Self help books are generalist pseudo-science made up by so-called motivational gurus like Tony Robbins, Rhonda Byrne (The Secret) and Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup guy). The aforementioned books are mental pablum written by corrupt individuals whose goal is to separate you from your money. They are not experts. Their only accomplishment is to come up with a manipulative technique to sell a new version of snake oil.

If you want to learn more on this subject, read SHAM by Steve Salerno. It isn't a perfect book because he falls down a bit in the proof area, and some of his conclusions are outlandish, but he does give you a lot to think about regarding the self help movement.

John Gottman's book is an educational reference. If you want to be a physicist, you read books by experts in the field of physics. If you want to be a good spouse, you read books on marriage by experts in the field of marriage. It's not self help; it's education.

Make sure you pick your "experts" carefully. John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) is NOT an expert. He got is "PhD" from a diploma mill. The man has no accredited higher education at all. His book is pure, made up, stereotypical garbage. He came up with a catchy title, went on Oprah, and made millions because there are a lot of gullible people out there. Don't be one of them.

Gottman, however, really is an expert. He is one of the best in his field and is recognized as such by his peers. His credentials are legitimate and he wrote a very good book. My marriage was good before I read it. My wife brought it home because, as a family doctor, she often talks to her patients about their relationships and this was part of her overall education. I like improving myself, so I read it too and it helped. My marriage wasn't in need of saving, but fine tuning is always a good idea, so I used the techniques and they work. It helped evolve my marriage from good to great.

I can see how it would help save marriages that were really on the rocks, although I don't have the first hand experience in this regard. What Gottman has to say really resonates about things that you should and should not do in a marriage. On that note, I think people give up on relationships too easily. They become too self absorbed, worry about their own needs and forget the joy to be had in being dedicated to making someone they love happy. Not all marriages can be fixed, but most can.

It doesn't take much to motivate me to stay married, but the one thing that terrifies me more than anything about getting divorced is the thought of some other guy being a stepfather to my children. I am very protective of my kids, and no man will EVER take my place as their father as long as I'm alive. Think about that before you sleep with your secretary.

I have one criticism of Gottman. He's an expert, and he knows it. His book comes across as arrogant, and sometimes the material is dry. Forgive me, but I like to be entertained a little. I accept that you are an expert or I wouldn't be reading your book, so you don't have to keep reminding me. The information is great, but it isn't exactly a page turner. Perhaps he should have done different male and female versions with the same content, but written in different styles. A few metaphorical car chases and explosions couldn't have hurt.

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