10 Days to a Less Defiant The Breakthrough Program for Overcoming Your Child's Difficult...

10 Days to a Less Defiant The Breakthrough Program for Overcoming Your Child's Difficult Behavior | Jeffrey Bernstein | Great parenting advice!

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10 Days to a Less ...

	10 Days to a Less Defiant The Breakthrough Program for Overcoming Your Child's Difficult Behavior Jeffrey Bernstein Da Capo Press, 2006 - 304 pages average customer review:based on 35 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Review of 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child:The Breakthrough Program

Have you ever been frustrated with your relationship to your child? Have you ever thought that your child is just being defiant? Maybe you have tried severe punishments and scolding that don't lead to a change in future behavior as you had hoped. Most parents, like my-self experience a children's defiance from time to time, and some experience that defiance 24/7.

Bernstein's book "10 Days to a Less Defiant Child" (I will call "10 Days" from now on) gives parents and teachers new insights and tools in art of raising children. Though Bernstein does not assume the role of telling the parent what specific morals to teach, he offers some tools and some understanding of emotional intelligence that will allow parents to lead and teach rather than the typical chaos that many parents experience.

Here are some of the Key Points of 10 Days:
o Bernstein stresses the importance of learning to listen correctly. When children's feelings are not validated, that in itself many times it causes anger, resentment, and unmet expectations.
o Yelling he says, is counter productive and can easily become a downward spiral. This is for two reasons. The first is that for a calm house to exist there has to be calmness. The second stems from the parenting goal itself to teach children to control their emotions and anger. Yelling itself is a loss of emotional control, and regardless of the message, it teaches children to release their emotions in similar outbursts.
o One of answers to alleviating the dreaded power struggles is to learn to be calm and firm. The call to calm means that we are to keep our emotions in check while at the same time being firm, not negotiating or vacillating on the consequences. When your emotions are in check, your child has not gotten to you, and you are still engaged. Calm and firm is a key factor in raising any child including defiant child.
o Positive reinforcement is not only good to teach the child and encourage good behavior, but it also helps us to see the positive in our child. Positive reinforcements include: validations, praise, rewards, the feeling of importance, and the feeling of power. This advise is given with the caveat that the child must not think himself or herself equal to the parents. This is because the child who thinks of themselves as an equal to parents easily sets their own expectations which fosters unrealistic expectations and conflict. After all, they think, they should be able to make the rules just like mom and dad.

The book is broken down simply into the 10 days or 10 chapters. Here are the chapters:
Day 1 Grasping Why Your Child Acts Defiant Day 2 Understanding Your Defiance Child Day 3 Sidestepping the Yelling Trap Day 4 Avoiding Power Struggles. Day 5 Reinforcing the Positive Changes in Your Child. Day 6 Dependable Discipline Day 7 Rallying Family Support Day 8 Lessening Defiance at school Day 9 Overcoming Stubborn Obstacles Day 10 Reducing Defiance for the Long Run

Those are just some of the highlights of 10 Days. There is so much more good advice that a simple book review can not cover. If you are struggling with parenting, if you have battles with your children, or if you just want to learn how to be a better parent, I strongly recommend this book 10 Days.

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Great parenting advice!

This book should be called 10 days to better parenting because I believe it can help all parents, not just those with "defiant" kids. When our normal punishments of time-outs and losing allowance were no longer effective with our 5-year-old son, I read this book. Within a couple of days, my son's behavior improved and so did my relationship with him. I would recommend it to all parents!!!!

Tomi Tuel's Review

In the day of my upbringing, my parents had a child rearing handbook they considered omnipotent. Those philosophies are now considered old school. As a product of those old school philosophies I could have cursed them as a child, and now as an adult I sometimes find myself unknowingly reverting to them for lack of a better way. The need for such parental guidance is still ever present. Dr. Bernstein bridges the gaps in our thinking during times of crisis with our own defiant children. By arming us with the tools of love, Dr. Bernstein's teachings help any parent grappling with a defiant child restore the love and maintain the peace. If you have kids or work with them, have this book handy - you're going to need it! 10 Days To A Less Defiant Child is the omnipotent handbook for today's modern parent.

--Tomi Tuel author of 101 Things I Learned After My Divorce and board of director member of the Sacramento Healthy Marriage Project.

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A great book for ALL parents!

I chose to review this book for a graduate course in parent education because defiance is a topic that often concerns parents. I found it to be very user friendly. It is easy to read. The author includes many examples of families who have benefitted from each of his strategies. He also uses checklists and other exercises to help parents examine their parenting behaviors and attitudes. He often includes strategy lists, for example "16 Ways to Avoid Power Struggles," so parents can choose what works for them. He is very affirming of the hard work parents do.
If you look past the defiant label, this is a great resource for parents of all children because any parent struggles with discipline and defiant behaviors at times. But it also contains a wealth of information on various disorders that can increase defiance when the issues go deeper than a normal challenging child. I would also recommend it as a reference for professionals to find exercises to get parents thinking about various parenting topics, from positive parenting behaviors to how their child's misbehavior affects their marriage.

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reviews: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, page 6, 7

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