The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self, Third Edition | Alice Miller

The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self, Third Edition | Alice Miller | insightful thou i haven't quite made out the title?!

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The Drama of the G...

	The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self, Third Edition Alice Miller Basic Books, 1996 - 144 pages average customer review:based on 76 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Very insightful...

I would suggest reading other authors on child development along with Alice Miller to get a well-rounded sense of the debates on nurturing and discipline. But I think Miller's theories ring true overall.

It is worth a note of caution that her ideas can be easily taken out of proportion by readers who are anxious for easy answers to their personal issues, and so end up attributing all of them to their parents' narcissism. But what I get from the book is how parents' subtle and not-so-subtle narcissism is too often overlooked in child rearing, owing to societal beliefs of parents being the ultimate authority over their children and also to their children's total dependence on their parents.

Miller does not advocate parents giving children free reign. Rules and expectations are still very important. But she does emphasize that parents' recognition and respect for their children as separate beings is crucial for them to develop into healthy, complete, autonomous selves. She also in no way advocates children blaming their parents as a means of recovering from childhood trauma, only that healing comes from understanding the ways in which their parents were not perfect, and were at times acting from their own unmet needs.

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insightful thou i haven't quite made out the title?!

i wrote a note on the cover page which reads: "this is a very sad book. and very necessary to read BEFORE one has children. unfortunately too late for me :((".
and this is how i felt (and still feel) after having read it (just finished it at 2 am this morning).
the premise of the book is that what we are not aware of, rules (destroys) our lives.
the trauma of being mistreated, manipulated, ridiculed or just ignored in the first days / years of our lives by adults we depended on for our existence gets stored in our bodies and it conditions us not only to neurosis, but also to taking it out on the first available weaker person -usually our children.
it also claims that thanks to the way we are brought up and "loved" by our (own screwed up and wounded) caretakers conditionally, for what we do and how we behave and not for who we are (for the fact we exist), we tend to deny parts of ourselves that the caretakers wish to expunge. we mould ourselves according to what we think they want, and lose ourselves in the process.
as adults, we keep carrying the feeling of inadeqacy and unworthiness and experience it as depression or grandiosity (in which no achievement really is enough for us to start valuing ourselves so we keep pushing for more, just to keep the depression and worthlessness at bay).
some children, on the other hand, "kill" their own emotions and feelings, in order to keep their caretaker's love.
in all cases children take the "blame and shame" for their "inadequacies" and idealize the parents or caretakers who inflicted the wounds.
at times, reading this book, i would remember the fact that i too remember nothing of my childhood, except that it was "idilic". or was it? repression of memories and feelings can go straight into almost complete amnesia.
i also thought of a few people i know, whose parents are strict and cold, who display very little emotion, but go thru life sucking love out of other people only to discard them when they get it.
i would remember how i sometimes lash out at my son, like his being a child is a crime.. the same way i was loved for my achievements, i sometimes get demanding on him and show discontent when he does not comply.
i thought of my son's difficult birth and 6 days in ER, without me, all alone. and i want to scream :(
this book hit me like a hammer.
i hope i read it on time. everyone should do the same, if not for their own sake, then for sake of their innocent children.
oh, and one more thing: sentences are so damn long and sometimes barely comprehensible. the translation could have been done more in the spirit of english language.

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The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self

The book was delivered on time and in the condition promised.

The Drama of the Gifted Child

Alice Miller's "The Drama of the Gifted Child" presents a holistic and I believe, an accurate, portrayal of the many aspects of childhood which, when a child is oppressed (and she defines what this oppression may look like) result in difficulties later in adulthood for an individual and ultimately for society as a whole. Her writing is accurate and to the point - a lot of information about the human psyche in a mere 130 pages.

Wonderful Book when reseraching the dynamics of Narcissist families

Alice Miller's Drama of the Gifted Child is a wonderful book a must read for parents and teachers alike! This book was suggested as an informational work for those interested in the dynamics within Narcissistic families. The book touches on many important aspects of childhood and how our families either encourage or discourage the development of a true inner self. It presents personal accounts and theories about how the experiences of childhood shape our ideas and beliefs about the world. As a parent and teacher this book both concerned and inspired me. I read it in conjunction with the Narcissistic Family by the Pressmans. These two books have a very similar message: the importance of learning from the unhealthy and hurtful experiences of childhood and how to overcome these experiences. In addition creating awareness about not passing on our own negative childhood experiences to our children. A must read for anyone interested in coming to grips with the trauma's suffered by children in our world. Miller's work is a guide book on what can be done to work through repressed emotions and liberate one's true self.

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