Mars and Venus Starting Over | John Gray, Gray John

Mars and Venus Starting Over | John Gray, Gray John | If you fit into any of the categories, rush to get this book

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Mars and Venus Sta...

	Mars and Venus Starting Over John Gray, Gray John, 1998 average customer review:based on 40 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

The Breakup Bible

What's refreshing about this book is that it does more than just say "Don't call him!" or "Hang out with your girlfriends more." It focuses on your emotions and how you can heal them so you can move on eventually and find love again. It actually validates your feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness and even calls them "healing emotions," necessary for healing your broken heart and moving on. Instead of telling you to completely forget about your former partner and not think about him/her all the time, he ENCOURAGES you to think about the good times and what you did as a couple. Gray goes into every emotion with great detail, and gives you plenty of exercises to bring them out so they can be healed. And as a woman, it's refreshing to read a breakup book that doesn't "male bash." It doesn't go on about why men can't commit, blah, blah, blah. Since it's for both men and women, it gives both sides of the story (and surprisingly--or not--we both go through pretty much the same thing!) . And it never says "there is no possibility you'll ever be with this person again, so get over it", but it does state you need to heal from the breakup first before considering getting back together with your former mate. This book will immensely change your life and the way you think about relationships. Most of all, it will help you get through a very painful part of your life...with your sanity intact!

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If you fit into any of the categories, rush to get this book

Heard and enjoyed the taped version of MARS AND VENUS STARING
OVER by John Gray . . . the subtitle says it all: "A Practical Guide
for Finding Love Again After a Painful Breakup, Divorce or the Loss of
a Loved One."

If anybody finds himself or herself in any of those categories, then
rush out to get this book (or the tapes) . . . you'll find a lot of
useful advice.

The first third is general information . . . Gray then presents material
relevant to women first, men second . . . I found the latter section
particularly valuable for what it had to say to me.

Among the ideas that I got from listening:
* The three steps for healing a broken bone are: getting help, resetting
the bone, and them giving it time to heal by protecting the bone in
a cast. In a similar way, the three steps for healing the heart are:
Step One: Getting help
Step Two: Grieving the loss
Step Three: Becoming whole before getting involved again

* [the four healing emotions]
Healing Emotion 1: Anger
Feeling then releasing anger reconnects us to our passion for love and life.

Healing Emotion 2: Sadness
Feeling and then releasing sadness opens our hearts to fell the sweetness
of love once again

Healing Emotion 3: Fear
Feeling and then releasing fear provides the ability to discern what we need
and can depend on now.

Healing Emotion 4: Sorrow
Feeling and then releasing sorrow provides the ability to discern what is
possible.

* Another way to process the four healing emotions is simply to ask
yourself these four questions. Often men find this an easier approach
in the beginning. By answering these questions, our healing emotions
automatically begin to come up. While answering these questions,
give yourself permission to feel anger, sadness, fear, sorrow, and any
other similar feelings.
1. What happened?
2. What didn't happen?
3. What could happen?
4. What can't happen?

If you wish to explore a little deeper, there are a few more questions you can
ask and answer.

QUESTION ONE
What happened that you didn't want to happen?
What is happening that you don't want to happen?
What has happened that you do not like?

QUESTION TWO
What didn't happen that you wanted to happen?
What is not happening that you want to happen?
What should have happened?

QUESTION THREE
What could happen that you don't want to happen?
What is important to you?
What could happen that you want to happen?

QUESTION FOUR
What can't happen that you want to happen?
What can't happen that you wish could have happened?
What can happen that you want to happen?

By asking these four questions or practicing the three parts of the feeling
better exercise, you will be better prepared to heal the waves of feeling
that come from your loss. With this technique, you will be able to remember
your partner without having to get stuck in painful feelings. With this insight
and ability, you are free to stay in touch with your feelings and complete
the healing process.

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A wonderful guide, worth reading and rereading

Many books about divorce get as far as "this is a trauma" and "don't hurt the kids," and maybe give you the standard "positive thinking" advice -
but this book goes into emotional machinery, and how to really grow and not just cope.

There is much more to this book than a quick blurb can suggest, but one main point is: There are four negative emotions which need to be recognized in dealing with a major loss. These are fear, anger, sadness, and sorrow (grieving for hopes that are now impossible). It is easy to get stuck in one or two of these four, but the one of these we are not aware of is likely to be the hidden hook which is holding us back.

He also has a great many practical observations about ways rebounding men and women injure ourselves and others - the first one is that men tend to get involved too soon, and women too late.

This is a pop-psychology/self-help book, but don't underrate it - it's got enough to say (at least for divorced people) that I've reread it three times in the last month.
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Great

This book has been tremendously helpful, I have read it multiple times and learn something new every time. I would recommend this book to anyone who has found themselves newly single. It's hard enough to be alone, this book definitely helps explain the feelings.

It Helped Me.

Given the market of self-help books these days, it is still slim pickings to find something that might work for the average guy. This book goes a long way to help the average guy figure out all the feelings that go with breaking-up, divorce and death. Although there are parts of the book that are a little "touchy-feely", I would encourage someone to stick with it and finish. The section on the differences of breaking up between women and men is great. It helped me to understand I wasn't crazy and that there are right and wrong ways to approach loss. I'd recommend it to anybody who needs a little help to get over the hump of losing someone they love.

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reviews: 1, 2, page 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

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