1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (123 Magic) | Thomas W. Phelan

1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (123 Magic) | Thomas W. Phelan | Worked like a charm!

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1-2-3 Magic: Effec...

	1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 (123 Magic) Thomas W. Phelan Parentmagic, Inc., 2004 - 224 pages average customer review:based on 283 reviews view larger image
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highly recommended

Negative reviewers don't get the program.

This is a simple and great technique that allows your child to keep his dignity WHILE not allowing him to manipulate others by bad behavior.
I don't hold a degree in child psychology. But, I have three grown children and one left at home. What I have to offer is practical and hands-on experience in parenting. My purpose for this review is to address the negative reviews, because I believe those who leave them do not understand the program. In the preface of the book, Dr. Phelan states that evaluation and psychological counseling are indicated BEFORE using 1 2 3 Magic if your child has a history of behavioral or emotional problems. He also states that marital conflict may interfere with the program. He goes on to say that if a parent is unable to remain calm while using the 1 2 3 method, counseling beforehand is advised. This book is for stable, loving, yet imperfect families to use. Dysfunctional families more than likely already stifle any type of communication with their children-I know this from experience. Only in this type of family is the "sit, stay, rollover" method used. I can't understand why some parents recoil in horror at this method, unless it is that they don't finish the book or attempt to grasp its' principles.
Our job as parents is, in essence, to "train" our children in proper behavior. Our job is to discipline our children, and teach them that there are outcomes to everything they do, positive or negative-just as in the adult world. For example, hitting a sibling results in a negative outcome, maybe time out or having to do something nice for the sibling who was the victim. If a child shares a cookie with his sibling, then that should naturally result in a positive outcome. The child who shared would experience that joyful feeling of doing something that is right and good. PLUS, a beaming smile from a pleased parent is priceless.
The book has a threefold purpose. All three elements must be employed for the program to work, and work it does!
The book's first purpose, as it clearly states, is to control obnoxious behaviors such as badgering, bargaining, whining, teasing, arguing, pouting, yelling, tantrums... etc, by interrupting the situation before it escalates. That is where the counting to three comes in. Honestly now, are these not the behaviors that drive us parents over the top? Do many parents not badger, bargain, yell, and degrade their children in an effort to stop the negative behavior? Anger leads to abuse. Allowing a negative situation to escalate to anger INVITES abuse. Counting to three gives the child time to think about what they are doing, and to make a choice to turn the behavior around-or not. A time out in the child's room is a result of making the wrong choice-a minute per year of the child's age is what the book suggests. A child whose behavior is out of control may need to be carried or escorted to their room. If need be, the parent may have to stand outside the door to make sure the child stays put until their time is up. What is so abusive and repugnant about that?
The second purpose of the book is to encourage positive behaviors like picking up, eating, homework, bedtime, etc. Unfortunately, I think the negative reviewers never get this far in the book. It's simple; reward your child with a smile, a hug, or a sticker for learning how to become independent by taking responsibility for their behavior. Even two year olds are able to grasp this concept. It's never too soon to start. Charts are GREAT for this. They are a visual way for a child to see the results of their efforts and behavior.
The third and last step, strengthening your relationship with your child, will be a natural outcome of doing the first two. When children feel secure and loved, and are held accountable for their behavior -corresponding of course with their age and level of maturity, then the family atmosphere will be more peaceful. Parents will enjoy parenting. Children will enjoy being children. Children need boundaries and consequences.
It's really that simple.
Dr. Phelan has books that deal with older children. The best way to avoid problems with older children is to obviously begin early. Good luck!

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Worked like a charm!

I bought this for my daughter who has a two kids, ages 2 and 3. The technique worked the very first day. It was amazing. Forget all the psycho babble that's so prevalent in today's parenting advice books. Kids want guidelines. If you don't give them that, clearly and consistently, they'll keep pushing, looking for those boundaries.

A "must-have" book for all parents

As a behavioral health specialist, I have parents use this book with their children. It also helped with my children, especially the one who was using long "discussions" as a way to manipulate situations.

One reviewer gave this book only one star, but seems to confuse what needs to be done in discipline situations with other situations. Effectively stopping inappropriate behavior does not mean that parents do not observe, listen to and talk with their children about their feelings, etc. It does mean that they put firm limits on how their children behave! To fail to do this is to set a child up for a lifetime of problems. These children become those who are upset with police officers who can't understand that they "had to" hurt someone else because they were angry! I do agree with the book recommendations that the unhappy reviewer included. Particularly "How to listen so your children will talk and talk so..." and "Siblings without rivalry." Both FABULOUS books!

I just had to enter in another postive review as I don't think it's fair to expect one little book to cover everything there is to know about something as complicated as parenting. It does a fantastic job of helping parents get control over discipline problems, and even provides solutions to the common ways some children may try to circumvent those efforts.

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YOU WILL SEE THE CHANGE

I ordered the audio tapes and listened to them at work. Once I was finished with the whole series I started counting immediately and after two days my 3 year old knew she wasn't going to be able to get away with her past behavior. I say past bacause we have been using the system for a month and we have a whole new child. It is challenging in front of people and in public but you have to stick to your guns -- my worst challenge is with the grandparents! I highly recommend this product.

It works if you do it

Buy this book if you are tempted to spank - we did and we are so thankful we found this solution instead of having an adult tantrum (spanking). It really makes a difference for our preschool-age girls. Both have very different temperaments (sensitive & dramatic vs. strong-willed and defiant). It seems that the authors anticipated our children's reactions and this helped for us to be prepared and handle appropriately. When our home feels chaotic, it is because we are not applying this simple and effective method that brings order in a firm and loving way. One of our daughters (guess which one:) even started to vomit and urinate in her room but doing time outs in the bathroom helped to remedy this.

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