This book, outlining Dr. Greene's approach, is a God send -- I actually cried tears of happiness when I read it the first time -- it was such a relief to find someone who actually understood!Within 1 week of reading this book at the recommendation of a Child Psychologist we turned to for help, (who described her as "mildly ODD, and very bright") my daughter had had only 1 tantrum during that week (compared with several daily, previously). Within 6 weeks, she had been tantrum free for a month.
Dr. Greene's philosophy -- that kids do well if they can, and that their explosions are not bids for attention -- is completely the opposite of what all of the other so-called experts are saying. Well, I can attest to the fact that his ideas worked and the others did not (at least for our family).
However, there is one caveat -- you have to be open-minded and willing to alter your belief system about parent-child relationships: I had to accept the fact that I had to let go of pre-conceived notions first in order for my child to change. I also notice that when I am stressed or tired and fall back into old patterns, my daughter's behavior deteriorates. It is not easy to stay with this, but as Dr. Greene says, you're already working hard doing it your way, why not try something else? Believe me -- it's worth the effort!
I think parents should be issued this book as an "Owner's Manual" at birthing classes at the hospital! All children can benefit from growing up in a positive environment where these principles are in place.
Removing the sources of explosive responses was difficult but well worth the effort. After about 7 months (I wish it took less time) improvement was noted. He has learned, slowly, to tolerate frustrations one situation at a time.
My son was fighting on the bus, during lunch, and during recess. He has been diagnosed with sensory integration dysfunction, is categorized as learning disabled and emotionally disturbed by the school system. He has been dismissed from every daycare program (three)and has had only one successful summer camp experience, even the camp that was intended for LD kids dismissed him.
I removed him from the bus and modified his recess and lunch to include an aid. The aid uses social stories to facilitate confrontations with other kids/adults and when events get too hot, actually removes my son from the situation altogether and avoids a damaging meltdown.
Getting an aid was no easy task as the school was more interested in punishing rather than re-teaching. All this was last year. This school year he is back on the bus and does not have an aid for lunch but continues to have an aid during recess. Now that his explosive behavior has settled, he is now reading on a second grade level (he is in 2nd grade). At the beginning of the school year, he was barely reading at a low KG level.
Behavior at home has improved even more than behavior at school. Instead of dreading his future, I have great hopes for his future.
This book was very helpful and made me feel empowered to try. Many teachers and so called professionals blame parents for children with behavior problems - instead of encouraging and helping they blame humiliate and insist that the parents are incompetent. Dr. Greene supports parents in our journey to help our explosive inflexible children to grow and be able to tolerate frustration and function within our society.
Thanks for the hope.
